The Dating Game Redoux

Hello Readers. I've pulled a not so nice maneuver, and have been living in Second Life without sharing it in my blog. The last few posts were up and down and focused just one relationships. I wasn't happy with the direction the blog was going. So I lived a little and gathered up a bit to write about. Looking back on my blog I was thinking about the post I did abou the Avadate Service, and found a new service in SL that does the same thing, but it was a little more high tech and used an outside website. Avmatch, is the name of the service, it's not totally free but a person can use it for the most part free for limited usage.

There are two types of service offered, a pay as you go type service, and a premium service. With the pay as you go type service you get tokens to make connections with x number of people. X being the number of tokens you have. The premium service allows you to have unlimited number of connections for a higher price. You may purchase tokens in game or the premium service for a month to month subscription, and that's also available in world.

The service works as follows, a person sends you a free pre written message as an "ice breaker", or you could sent them one. Then you may choose to send a free pre written message back or use one of your tokens to make contact with the person on the website for one month. Premium can just send regular messages since they're unlimited. From there you can use a chat feature on the website, sent messages from the site, or just share SL names and meet in world. You are also given 2 free tokens a month for being on the site which you may choose to use if you want to keep a totally free service.

I was going to test the waters by getting the minimum 5 tokens. I burned my 5 tokens fast, and unfortunately none of the 5 really panned out. I kept getting messages while I was out of tokens, and so it seemed more cost effective to just go premium for a month due to the flood of messages I got for being the "fresh meat" on the site. About two messages after going premium I met her. Her name is Pandora, she's my wife in Second Life now, and she's the mystery woman in the photo above. Looks kind of like the cover of a romance novel.

I could go on and on about her, and I most likely will in posts to come. We're technically married/partnered already, however, we still have rings to get, and have something a little formal for the two of us. She's the one, I've never been more sure, not even Rachel, who was the the love of my life, this girl surpasses even the feelings I had for her. I'll end this post with what I put about her in my profile:

"I've spent years in a shell trying to figure out what I really wanted out of this second life. People have come and gone out of my life, but I remained in a dark place. Then out of the blue this funny, quirky and sometimes crazy chick pops into my life. Shining a bright light and making me feel those lost warm and fuzzy feelings that have been long gone. All of the sudden the world made sense again. The puzzle was complete, and eternal bliss is all that remains. Thank you so much Pandora for willing to share you life with a bum like me. You are my "Hammer", my Goddess, and my true inspiration.

With Much Affection,

Your Loving Husband,

Jazon Beck"

The Sun Also Sets

As things were up for me a few days ago they all came crashing down. Pretty much everyone I've met in the past month or so has pretty much abandoned me.. even Woody. I'm sure I did a lot of the pushing but now I just stand in a corner of my favorite blues joint for hours without anyone saying a word to me. My friends list has been consolidated to only 5 or 6 names and for some reason people who come to the club treat me more like a decoration on the wall than a person. Hours go by without even a friendly hello.

I was interested in getting back into Second Life, but it seems Second Life has had enough of me. All those random chance encounters I used to have seem to pass me by now. Maybe it's time for Jazon Beck to finally say good bye. There's not much for here, anything new dissolves before anything can mature, my old friends have all moved on or just pop on for a minute or two on a random day, and I seem to ruin more relationships than I care to remember. This world I one time thought was the ultimate bliss, a heaven in cyber space, has just evolved and left me behind. I even catch myself referring to it as "just a game", I know shame on me, but I still love the place and the experiences I have there. It just seems as of late I'm just caught somewhere, a vortex in time where I can see everything going on, but no one can see me.

I'm sure I'm just in one of my dark phases and this too will pass. It's been a really bad run as far as meeting new women. Andrea, Woody and even a couple of more in the past few days... My mojo must be on the fritz. I don't have that same swagger I used to have and as soon as a woman warms up to me I push them away. Sometimes they push first, but for the most part it's me. I sever communication, say my final good bye, and return to my corner in the blues club. Maybe I'm just wanting someone too perfect and as soon as something reveals its self as a negative I run away. Whatever it is, it's leading to a lonely life, and that's worse than any bad habit a woman might have. We'll see what the next post brings.

Another Second Life Sunrise

So I took a break for while and now I've returned. It didn't take long to meet someone new and hit it off. Yes it's a woman named Woody. Strange name but a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. We've spent only a little time together but she knew exactly how to push the right buttons for me. It looks like the start of something new and exciting. I know I've said it over and over, and this my just be more of the same as far as my romantic life in SL goes. She's already special to me so I'm looking forward to whatever blossoms. After the last fiasco I really wasn't open to starting anything new with anyone. I'd just log in for a few hours and get my blues music fix. However, started talking to me and the conversation just kept going on and on and before you could say "slap happy" we were alone in each other's arms.

I don't have that much more to say because other than slipping in for blues and meeting Woody that's been the extent of my Second Life for the last few weeks. As things evolve with my newest love interest I'll be on more and in return posting more.

Women are Poison

The title says it all. I would say cancer but poison, like women, is more of a choice than chance. Yeah this is going to be a rant post. Frankly I'm tired of being told what I want to hear just get by and then fucked over in the end. I've taken some time off of Second Life to get my Real Life in order, and then when I try to return to the person who promised to be my support system... well I was gone too long and they "had" to move on. So again I'm left alone standing pissing in the wind with my dick in my hand.

A lot of the time I blame myself when things do turn out well in my relationships.. I mean look at the odds, the one thing in common with all of the failures is me. However, I'm starting to think it's more the quality of woman I force myself on. I can't be so screwed up that all these women turn against me in a matter of days and weeks. I have issues, I know, and I write about them here. Surly if you have been reading my posts you're able to pick up on that, but I really starting to think there's more to it. I'm like a magnet for the worst kind of women out there, I pamper them, be that special "Mr. Right", and then it seems to be too much and I turn in to "Mr. Right Now." As popular as the hula hoop and then get passed up for roller skates later. Yeah, I'm frustrated. I feel each relationship take 10 years off my life and at this rate I'll be dead soon.

I haven't written in weeks, and this is probably not the best post to start off with, but I logged in to SL today and got extremely irritated. I found the one person who promised they'd be here for me in my time of need had become someone's concubine and has her profile done up like some cheap Amsterdam whore's classified ad. I hope her sexual healing is worth the pain in heart. Maybe it's my fault for trusting people on the internet to be somewhat of an emotional support system. I'll end my rant here, and maybe something nice will happen to me and I can have a fluffy post soon.

Bad Romance

I should just stop...
Stop meeting women, stop trying to meet women, and just stop trying to have or allow online relationships to develop. Andrea's gone. My own doing, I pushed her away, always made her feel alone, and paid the price for it. As much as I pop in and out of Second Life I should never pursue anything like that. It always ends badly, I'm a cobra, and my kiss is poison. I was angry when I clicked the "New Post" button, yet now as I write I can not be angry. It was me who pushed her away, maybe I pushed them all away, Kiera, Nesca, so many ghosts of my past I can't even name them all.

I think it's best to remain in my old life instead of venturing out into the new. Roam around my virtual worlds, Warcraft, Star Trek, and even a few console games. These worlds change so fast that only a small handful have stayed with me through all my transitions. It's not fair to blame it on the worlds. I change so fast, mood swings, bipolar behavior, there's hardly anyone who can put up with me through all of it. Even in real life everyone I've ever met has abandoned me because of my erratic behavior. Wives, children, friends, lovers, and family. I have shut them all out and very few come knocking on the door after I've slammed it on them.

The world is the same online and I create my own drama everywhere I go. I can't play Warcraft because I can't stay neutral with someone on the raid team long enough to progress. Star Trek, I'm not really a social butterfly there, I stick to solo missions and on a very rare occasion I choose someone to open up to, Console games.. Easy to deal with because all are really based around a solo player element, and then you come to Second Life. An entire social world and probably not the best environment for me with all my social issues, however it's the environment which I enjoy the most.

No readers I'm not having a break down, maybe a break out or break through. Analyzing myself and putting my thoughts here help me cope with my decisions no matter how bad they may be in the end. I probably did need Andrea, needed her more than I'll ever know, because she understood me and suffers from a lot of the same social issues and disorders as I do. Then again, that may not have been the best type of person to be around. If we've just met and I've decided to share my blog with you and you've gotten to this passage.. well be wary of me, I'm a confused and somewhat disturbed individual. I wouldn't get too attached to Jazon Beck unless you really care and somewhat want to understand him. Someone will tame me in time, or I'll just have to tame myself.

Pictures with Andrea

The date was wonderful there's some pics below of us out at Phat cat's.


And from our Wedding Day

I Do Love This Crazy Chick

Making the Rounds

Making the rounds isn't the same since I got partnered. Maybe that's because this is the only time I've been partnered long enough to make the rounds and still be in a relationship? It's funny how women respect other women enough to not hit on or make passes at a man who's partnered or has info about their lover in their profile, however on the other end Andrea can't walk out the front door without getting hit on. In spite of every piece of her profile has something about me in it. Most of the time she doesn't even want to go shopping without me. Maybe she just did too good of a job on her avatar.

My old blues joint must have got demolished while I was gone, but I found a better place called Riverside, pictured above, live blues DJs and lots of good music. It feeds my need when I want to hear some blues. Lots of friendly people too, the last blues joint wasn't so inviting to new people, but this place has a great atmosphere. Makes for good ambience too in the background as I write. Although as usual I'm asked why don't I dance. I guess it makes me appear stuck up or anti-social, but I've never been one who's enjoyed just solo dancing and letting it all hang loose at the clubs.

It's been a few days since my last post. I've had some real life issues pull me away from the game. It's not fair to Andrea, and I'm going to need at least a box car full of roses to make up for the lost time this week. We're about to start looking for land and a home so I'm excited about that. I have a few houses, however, my newest is over a year old so I figured we'd look for something new just to stay up with technology. We have a date tonight, but I'm still not sure what to do or where to take her. She's not the easiest to impress, there's always dancing, but I think she'd tire of that pretty quick. I'm sure I'll just run by the seat of my pants and end with a good time as usual. The more planning and thinking behind it the more likely it will bomb. I'll be in touch.